Author	Topic:   Society for a Grammatically Correct Hasmo FM Message Board (SGCHMB)
Mr. Goldwater	posted 1/22/04 11:52 PM       Sirs, It has come to my notice that the overall standard of written communication on this honourable message board has dropped noticeably since the original "glory days" of my debates and (some might prefer) wranglings with Mr. Levy. To address this obvious crisis and restore a level of respectability to this esteemed forum, I hereby found the "SGCHMB", "Society for a Grammatically Correct Hasmo FM Message Board". Anyone wishing to join this exclusive Society may do so only by the recommendation of an existing member, on the condition that the aformentioned applicant has proven themselves to be proficient in their grammatical capabilities, and have always maintained a high standard of spelling, punctuation and grammar in all their posts thusfar. Applicants may apply to join the SGCHMB by posting a post in this forum. The application should include a paragraph, of a length not less than twenty words, entitled "Why I would like to join the SGCHMB". Thank you for your attention. I remain, Sirs, your obedient servant, Mr. Goldwater. http://SGCHMB.org.uk Set to rival the RSPCA and RSPB in its membership numbers and wealth, join while it's still free to do so!
DL	posted 1/23/04 3:29 PM     Why I would like to join the SGCHMB: I am hereby applying for the newly formed society, the SGCHMB. I would like to join as I feel this cause is of extreme importance and needs the most support that it can get from those users of the message board who are capable of gramatically correct written communication. I would also draw attention to the fact that I was in fact selectively mentioned in the Introduction to the Society's purpose and function, when Mr. Goldwater mentioned that “the standard...has dropped noticeably since the original "glory days" of my debates... with Mr. Levy”. This, of course, has obvious implications that I would be the perfect example of a member of the SGCHMB. Thank you for your attention, Mr. Goldwater, and I look forward to your reply. Doniel Levy
Bernush	posted 1/23/04 3:51 PM       In order to exalt the chance of my acceptance into your (masculine singular) message board, I shall reveal the introduction to a tragic tale of a tragic hero:- "When grass was beige and sheep had feathers, I was a frog by the name of Theodore. I had been condemned to cold-bloodedness by Queen Hermolis, the fiery monarch of the Thymian Empire. She was my mother-in-law. To be released from her cursed enchantment and to be heir to the throne of Thyme again, I had to undertake a dangerous jouney to the Museum of Historical Artefacts. The goal of my quest was to convince the owner to give concessions to students. Failing dismally, I was exiled from the Realm of Shtoos by the wrathful Hermolis. Conjured into a plastic bulldog, I was hurled aboard the Time Ship of Thyme and was sucked into the twenty-first century." Do you want to know what happens next? (note the use of a rhetorical question.) If so, accept me into your society! In addition, since this is a society for a Grammatically Correct Hasmo FM Message Board, you may follow the link to a website devoted to the correct use of the semi colon. Just click here L'oreal: Because it's worth a lot of money. http://simplygreekdecor.org
Mr. Goldwater	posted 1/25/04 3:24 PM       Mr. D. Levy, I read your application with much interest. Welcome to our noble society. Together we can fight ignorance and defend the values of grammar and puncutation from the Philistines among us. Mr. "Bernush", I have no idea whom you are. Unless you identify yourself less ambiguously, I am afraid we will not be able to admit you to the SGCHMB. Thank you for your applications, Mr. Goldwater, Self-Appointed (Life) President, SGCHMB.
Bernush	posted 1/25/04 8:27 PM       My Identity and Charlotte's Web My first begins elephant, Elstree and eriochrom black tea indicator, My second is the smoked salmon in a vowellised sandwich, My third is a drink, My fourth is at the very top of a mountain with a high A L L T T I I T T U U D D E E And my fifth begins a pair of twin cavities that can be located in what Gandalf follows when he is lost. Mr Goldwater, I am afraid that you are on a narrow spot; if you are aware of my true identity, you must accept me into your elite society. If you are not, you do not understand my grammatically correct riddle and so you yourself are not capable of distinguishing between a dash and a hyphen. Therefore, you shall be overthrown as leader of the society by no less than Mr Blobby in all his sanguine sophistication. Statistics show that firstly, Mary-Joanne is the strongest link, and secondly that this message will conclude with a shameless cliché: the choice is yours... (fake, high, operatic, sinister cackle) http://www.simplygreekdecor.org if you can't go, eleven candles
Mr. Goldwater	posted 1/26/04 6:03 PM       Mr. (Eitan) Mirvis, I don't like being forced into doing this sort of thing, but well done! You are now an honourary member of the SGCHMB. Congratulations! Yours Grammatically, Mr. Goldwater, President, SGCHMB.
Doniel Levy, First Honourary Member and Chairman of the SGHMB	posted 1/26/04 11:47 PM     Mr Mirvis (Jr.) As First Honourary Member of the SGCHMB, and (self appointed, like our esteemed leader, SYG) Chairman of the SGCHMB, I would like to answer on behalf of Mr Goldwater (esq). Though he has already accepted you into our society, I would like to mention that Mr Goldwater is not "forced" to accept you, as you cunningly persuaded him that he is. His criteria to becoming a member were simple. "...Applicants may apply to join the SGCHMB by posting a post in this forum. The application should include a paragraph, of a length not less than twenty words, entitled "Why I would like to join the SGCHMB"..." Thus far, you have FAILED to comply with this one simple request. As such, Mr Goldwater is not "forced" into accepting you. He made no mention of acceptance if one proves capable of a clever device to name themselves. He has indeed, understood now the identity of this "Bernush" but that does NOT give you automatic acceptance. Sorry. I, as Chairman and First Honourary Member of the Society, hereby use my power to recommend/appoint new members and use the reverse of this power to hereby suspend your honourary member status from the Society. I hope you will not take this too offensively, but matters such as this must be discussed with the President. Thank you, and please wait for a response. We (on behalf of the entire SGCHMB) apologise for any inconviniences. Thank you Doniel Levy Chairman of the SGCHMB
Bernush	posted 1/27/04 9:53 PM     Mr Levy, In response to your charming criticisms regarding my controversial acceptance into Mr Goldwater's society, I would suggest that united with a bitter bond of hatred, we analyse some of your comments that you recently posted on this message board when you were anchored to your usual level of sanity. You mentioned that, 'He has indeed, understood now the identity of this "Bernush" but that does NOT give you automatic acceptance. Sorry.' Upon my initial glance at this pathetically worded, grammatically incorrect sentence, I wondered which one of your numerous, basic mistakes to begin to describe in detail: the comma after 'indeed' is incorrectly situated. Ideally, it should not be there at all. Secondly, I find it incomprehensible as to how a member of the human race could possibly 'understand' an identity. Thirdly, the 'now', subsequent to the 'understood' (see the second comment) should not exist or have any close relatives in Borehamwood. Fourthly, the 'this' before '"Bernush"' is non-standard and therefore it is a word that is thoroughly unacceptable for members of this society to use in written or oral form. Fifthly, you have clearly written 'Sorry.', which indicates that you believe that a sentence that does not contain a verb is grammatically correct. Heresy I say! Sixthly, you have commented that you are the chairman of the SGCHMB. In that case, what is Mr Goldwater's role? Yours grammatically, Bernush http://simplygreekdecor.org
DL	posted 1/28/04 6:25 PM     Run way O little one (obsessed with Greek decor). When you start English A Level (and show that you have successfully coped with the English language for 17 years) you automatically recieve the G-d given right to alter gramatical conventions to suit personal desires. For example, "Sorry." CAN indeed be an entire sentence. Go read a book!! No serious,mature writers actually keep to all the rules. Don't worry, O Irish one, you'll pick up the rules of the English language soon. We all have to begin SOMEtime! Besides this, I have already been accpeted into the Society so I do not have an obligation to write in a grandiose style (please see above Charlotte's web stuff... pathetically low... besides making little sense). You, on the other hand, were "accepted" into the society under false pretences and you were thus an illegitimate member (until I suspended your membership.) Even ignoring all this, though, the issue at hand still remains. Despite possible "gramatical inaccuracies", all my comments above stand true. You have not written a paragraph explaining why you should be in the society, and Mr Goldwater VERY reluctantly accepted you, believing that he was "forced" to do so. He was not, as I have shown, and you are therefore suspended (see above). For further information on Mr Goldwater's role, please ask Mr Goldwater himself. DL Chairman
Cecil Lulworth	posted 1/28/04 11:38 PM     Mirvis you bloody genius! I tip my proverbial hat in your general direction!
Bernush	posted 1/29/04 11:06 AM       Mr Levy, Recently, you foolishly commented that 'I have already been accepted into the Society so I do not have an obligation to write in a grandiose style'. As you well know, this is a brazen tamper with the truth. As Chairman of the Society for a Grammatically Correct Hasmo FM Message Board, it is your obligation to write in a grammatically correct grandiose style. Why else would you be the Chairman? What Mr Levy is Similar to Mr Levy is like the medical student who, once given his PhD, forgets all he knows. Mr Levy is like a manufactured cake slicer that does not perform its job because of its arrogant and blunt attitude towards those 'inferior' to it. Mr Levy is like the toaster that freezes bread. Mr Levy is like the radioactive toothbrush that may once have glown a pastel green but now refuses to convey its orb of light to mine eyes, simply because 'it's already the Chairman and does not need to be profficient in spelling, punctuation and grammar'. I suggest Mr Goldwater reconsiders his acceptance of Mr Levy into this exclusively grammatically correct Society. I am skeptic of his ability to perform his duties as Chairman of the SGCHMB. For simply Greek decor at your next family Simcha, visit http://www.simplygreekdecor.org A free pastry chef with every other purchase!
Mr. President (Goldwater)	posted 1/29/04 2:00 PM       Mr. Levy & Mr. Bernush, Having read with interest the correspondence flying backwards and (only very occasionally) forwards between the two of you in the last few posts, my response is as follows: Unless you reconcile yourselves and end this ridiculous feud immediately, you will both be barred from the SGCHMB. I consider this matter to be of the utmost importance - comply or you will be expelled. In addition, in answer to your queries about whether verbose, grandiose language is required of members of the SGCHMB, I can only reply "yes, of course it is". How could it not be so? Finally, to quote Mr. Disraeli, we at the SGCHMB expect every member to aim to be "a sophistical rhetorician, inebriated with the exuberance of his own verbosity". Thank you, Yours Grammatically, Mr. Goldwater, President, SGCHMB. http://www.parliamentlive.tv Missed PMQs? Want to see that debate one more time? This is the answer to all your problems!
NaThE	posted 1/30/04 1:04 AM     [This message has been edited on 01/31/2004]
NaThE	posted 1/30/04 1:04 AM     [This message has been edited on 01/31/2004]
NaThE	posted 1/30/04 1:04 AM     [This message has been edited on 01/31/2004]
robicko	posted 2/1/04 1:32 AM     jonathan, why did u delete sofer's messages? and... u cant delete the message envelope ha ha!
J Levy (Moderator)	posted 2/1/04 1:38 AM       Sorry! I only meant to delete two of them as he sent the message three times. Well anyway. I can't remember what the message said but I don't think it was very important. No, I can't delete the envelope - that was what I was trying to tell you right from the start (in that physics lesson) which you misunderstood to mean that I can't delete or edit anything. And that lead to all that business of me having to prove it.
Jamal	posted 2/16/04 4:12 PM     Coming back to the subject at hand, i have set up an organisation to counter goldwater's cleaky group of Grammaticians. It will be officailly opened at the inaugral evening by the Duchess of Sinai. It will be named The Society for Boycotting Goldwater's Grammaticians (SBGG) http://drudgegoldwater.com all his dirty secrets